I’ve recognized him since childhood. He was in SHS whereas I used to be in JHS. We attended the identical church. And I used to be amongst one of many many individuals within the church who admired his devotion to the church. Stephan was additionally very devoted to his books. When he wrote his WASSCE, he got here out high of his class. One may say I used to be his secret admirer, seeing as we weren’t mates however I managed to maintain monitor of his progress by means of life. 

By the point I went to SHS he was within the polytechnic. We nonetheless weren’t mates then. In my third yr, I began going out with one among my schoolmates. This man was in his second yr however he lied that we had been in the identical yr group. It was in the course of the WASSCE exams that he got here clear. By then I used to be very a lot in love with him. So I forgave his lie. We dated until he accomplished SHS. That was when he known as me “Nana we have to discuss.” Everyone knows that nothing ever comes out of “We have to discuss.” I braced myself for the worst once I mentioned; “You already know you’ll be able to inform me something. So be happy to specific your self.” He paused for some time, “You already know that I care very a lot about you proper? And I really feel I owe you the reality. Currently, I’ve been considering that I must take a break from relationships.” As if my coronary heart was not torn aside by his speech I requested, “Did I do one thing to deliver you to this conclusion?” He replied with the cliché of clichés “No no no it’s not you, it’s me. I promise you this, if I get to a spot the place I wish to be in a relationship once more, I’ll name you.” 

It was my first heartbreak with my old flame. To spare you the main points, let me simply state that I misplaced weight to the purpose the place individuals started to speak. My mom, who was so involved requested, “Why are you shedding pounds like this? Did you’ve got an abortion?” This occurred in 2015. It was not simple however I went by means of it, and with time I healed. After I acquired higher I stayed away from relationships for 3 years. 

In 2018, I accomplished Nursing Coaching School and have become a dedicated member of my church. The church was my second house in addition to Stephan’s. Quickly we began operating in the identical circle. Our youth group met after each church service and went to meals joints to eat collectively. That’s how Stephan and I lastly acquired the chance to develop into mates. 

I used to be twenty-two then and he’s 4 years older than me. From the way in which he behaved, I deduced that he had by no means been in a relationship. He typically spoke about his large ambitions. And I grew keen on him due to it. I needed him to be positively impacted by him so I let myself get near him. In a manner that will be thought-about as “Aho shish3”, which suggests I used to be throughout him. As time went on I began catching emotions for him and I hoped he felt the identical manner about me. Sooner or later we had been speaking when he mentioned “There’s something I must let you know.” That assertion crammed me with pleasure. I assumed “That is it. He’s lastly going to inform me he likes me.” He sounded nervous, “There’s this woman I like however I don’t know suggest to her. Are you able to assist me?” I attempted to not sound too excited, “I feel it is best to simply say it. She in all probability feels the identical manner about you. Out of curiosity, is she somebody I do know?” 

That day my hopes had been dashed as I listened to Stephan describe his crush in nice element. She was a teenage woman who lived in his neighbourhood. The second he talked about the woman’s age I used to be outraged; “An adolescent? At your age? Do you wish to date a young person? No manner I’m permitting that.” He didn’t see something improper with it. However I instructed him it was improper and he may even go to jail. I didn’t let the matter relaxation till I heard him say, “I’ll management my emotions for her. I gained’t shoot my shot.” Sadly, it didn’t finish there. He couldn’t be along with her however he nonetheless felt strongly about her. I attempted to be good friend and gave him a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. And he was a babbling mess. He spoke about this woman day and night time. And each time he did, a little bit piece of my coronary heart broke. 

At a degree, he relocated to a brand new neighbourhood. I assumed the space would put her out of his thoughts however I used to be improper. I used to be going by means of his cellphone at some point once I noticed that the woman had visited him and he or she took pictures together with his cellphone. That day I acquired mad and instructed him he was hurting me together with his obsession with the woman. By means of my outburst, I instructed him “I’m in love with you. Are you so blinded by your emotions for that small woman which you can’t see it?” After my confession, I stormed off. He got here after me bearing a bouquet of apologies; I’m sorry. I’m an fool. How may I not have recognized? I promise you gained’t hear me communicate of her once more.” I accepted his apology and issues turned simpler after that. 

One factor led to a different and we began relationship. His first time was with me. After the encounter, he turned connected to me. Our relationship progressed as a standard relationship ought to. His household is aware of that we’re collectively. I began working earlier than he did. This revealed so much about his character and his relationship with cash. We hardly exit on dates. More often than not we spend collectively is indoors. If I handle to influence him to take me out he would complain in regards to the cash all the time. It was worse when he was working as a NABCO individual. Typically their allowance was delayed so he would funds his cash to the final coin. If one thing got here up that was exterior his funds, he wouldn’t make a compromise. 

I reside alone so he spends plenty of time at my place. I’d inventory my home with meals and he eats his fill with out providing to contribute financially towards housekeeping. The time he spends at my home will increase my utility payments and he is aware of this. However he by no means supplied to assist me pay my payments. I keep in mind one time I took a mortgage of GHC300 from him and promised to pay it again on the finish of the month. When the month ended my wage was delayed. I couldn’t pay him again as promised. My boyfriend requested me for the cash relentlessly as if I used to be going to run away together with his cash. When my wage lastly acquired paid, I repaid a part of his cash. I instructed him to provide me a while to pay the steadiness of GHC100. He didn’t comply with that association. He harassed me till I repaid every part. 

I wasn’t glad about the way in which he went about issues however I made excuses for him; “He behaved that manner as a result of he’s broke. I’m certain he’ll change when he will get job. In any case, he’s useful in his personal manner. He runs errands for me once I’m busy. He helps me wash dishes and does my laundry too. And he’s not fast to anger, a high quality I discover very admirable.” Not lengthy after the mortgage incident, I wanted cash for one thing urgently. I requested him to make use of an app he makes use of for loans to assist me get a mortgage. He mentioned, “I can’t do this. I already took a mortgage utilizing the app.” Once I requested what he used the cash for,  he instructed me, “One of many ladies within the church wanted cash to pay his youngster’s faculty charges. So I borrowed cash from the app and added my cash to it and gave it to her.” 

I couldn’t imagine that somebody who harassed me to repay GHC100 would go the additional mile to assist somebody in want. I perceive that his coronary heart was in place however I used to be damage regardless. I instructed him how his actions affected me however he mentioned I used to be being dramatic. He didn’t see the necessity to apologize. And that’s one thing he does too typically. He by no means apologizes when he’s improper. Proper now he has gotten job in one other area. He has promised a number of occasions to purchase me stuff for the home solely to vary his thoughts final minute. He has additionally promised to assist me with cash however he by no means got here by means of with these guarantees. His excuse is all the time “My funds can not accommodate it.”

As of late he has been speaking about marriage. Our household talks about us getting married too.  However the reality is that I’m scared. I do know he’s the sort of accomplice who will assist me with chores. That’s one thing I recognize however what about his penchant for operating a decent funds? How are you going to draw a funds and never make provisions for miscellaneous? And I imagine I’m the one one he does that to. If he can take a mortgage to assist pay somebody’s faculty charges however gained’t even take me out on a easy date then I’m afraid of the long run. 

I’ve tales on this platform about husbands who assist others on the expense of their very own households. And I worry that’s the sort of future that awaits me if I marry Stephan. The unhappy half is that once I complain he dismisses me. He makes use of the phrase; “Why do you want making mountains out of molehills?” If he gained’t take heed to me now then when will he do this? After we are married? I don’t assume so. 

He was my childhood crush and I went by means of a lot to be with him. We’ve had good moments and I would like nothing greater than to be married to him. No that’s not true. I would like one thing greater than to be married to him. I would like somebody who listens once I inform him one thing isn’t proper. I would like somebody who apologizes when he’s improper. Above all, I need a man who will present for me. I like Stephan however he’s missing in these areas. I’m questioning if I’d be overreacting by strolling away from every part we’ve shared thus far. 

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